April 13th, 2022: Being Still and Being Broken

 

The conversation starts rather awkwardly.

He says he needs to talk, and yet he is not ready.

His face and his eyes tell me more than he knows.

His anguish and confusion shows.

He committed a crime and damaged someone's life.

He is now waiting to receive the punishment; that is the price.

He then tells me quietly that he feels so empty.

His emotion is drained, and his mind is extremely fatigue.

He talks about himself in the third person.

He might need some safety, so he needs that separation.

He says that he once believed in God.

But he now feels as if God and he are at odd.

He was tempted by the fast lane in the life of drug trafficking.

It was hard at first, but slowly it fed on his selfish yearning.

It feels as if he is watching himself dying.

Death is in the center of his heart, no longer on the fringe.

He asks me to pray so that he might hear something from God.

I tell him I will pray with him in silence so that he can hear God's knocks.

We sit together for an hour, being still and silent.

In the stillness of the heart, we can feel God's presence.

The silence is no longer uncomfortable.

It tells us that God's love is mystical and unfathomable.

He asks whether he can call me while serving his time.

I don't know him, but God does; it will be fine.

I see him because I know his brother.

I am here if he wants to pursue a conversation about life further.

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me because the LORD has anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound" (Isaiah 61: 1)